Thinking of You
by x6bakablack9x
Summary: Songfic. You admitted that you loved me and that you wanted a someday before you left on a mission. I kept wishing that you would come back. But not all wishes are granted. You asked me to move on if that happened but it's not as easy as you made it seem.


**Enjoy! I'm having difficulty right now with my You Cant Escape Fate story so i thought that would write a one-shot just so people don't think that i abandoned anything. I'll probably update that next week or so, so look for it!**

**Information about story: When it says you, its talking about Ranger. When it says he, it means... someone you will find out in the end. When it talks about someone else i used the name. Hope this helps you so you don't get confused as much.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Stephanie Plum or Thinking of You by Katy Perry**

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I watched your muscles ripple under you skin as I brushed my fingers down you abdomen. I saw the rush of desire flash through your eyes as I had a few times before. The urgency that I felt as you crushed your lips to mine was enough to make anyone weak. But as I opened my eyes, I realized that it wasn't you.

Each knowing thrust seemed to raise my higher and higher but the destination I craved would never again be reached. Every touch meant to please was brought with the thought how it was never going to be you again. All sweet promises whispered in my ear only made me want to forget how I was never again going to see you.

The release inside filled me more then the other but not as much as you. The gently kiss on my head reminded me of our joining too. The similarities were amazing but there was always a flaw when I compared him to you. The love one day was enough to make up for the three years past, but not for the remaining years to come.

With a smile and a kiss he was off to the shower preparing for your final departure. I laid unmoving on the bed wishing that this all could be untrue. I heard a bird land on the open windowsill and start whistling its happy tune. If only it could be that easy.

_Comparison's are easily done  
__Once you've had a taste of perfection  
__Like an apple hanging from a tree  
__I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed  
__You said move on where do I go  
__I guess second best is all I will know_

I slowly arose and made my way to the window above the fire escape where the bird was resting. It flew down to the parking lot and found a new home on top of his dark blue truck. I imagined the truck was black and we were sitting in the flatbed.

I remembered the distraction gone wrong and how you tried to soothe me. We relaxed in the back admiring the night sky. Your arm around me was comforting, making me forget the vile, disgusting hands that had earlier been upon me. I could see you kiss my tears away and I saw my grateful smile, the smile meant entirely for you.

As I blinked, the image was gone. The night sky was bright and you were definitely no where in sight. Would there ever be a time when I would not seek your hidden presence? No, I don't think there will be.

The bathroom door opened behind me, the steam rushing out and creeping into the room. Hands encircled my waist and I got pressed against his hard body. His skin seemed darker against my pale stomach but the shade was still a little too light to be you.

_Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
__Thinking of you, what you would do  
__If you were the one who was spending the night  
__Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes_

He turned me around and told me how everything was going to be okay. He gave me a light kiss and I could have sworn that it was you. He led me into the bathroom and gave me an encouraging push to start getting ready. The longer I prolonged this the longer I could believe that you could possibly come back.

I rested my head against the shower wall and let the water pour down on me. I tried to wish away my sorrows with the water going down the drain but the hope wasn't granted. I blindly reached for the shower gel and held back the tears when I realized that it was yours.

The scent of Bulgari filled the room and I could swear that you were behind me. I could feel your hands in my hair, trailing down my back and around my waist. I could feel a tingle on my lips as if we had just shared a passionate kiss, but as I slowly turned around you obviously weren't there.

When I stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror I saw you standing behind me. The usual tingle behind my neck came but you were gone not even a second later. I sighed, I didn't see how you could be everywhere but no where at all.

_You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter  
__Like a hard candy with a surprise center  
__How do I get better once I've had the best  
__You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test  
__He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth  
__He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself_

I remember how you told me that this might happen and how you wanted me to move on. You started listing off all the good qualities of Joe. How he would protect me if you left, how he could give me a family if I ever wanted one. You knew that he would wait to build a life and family with me but I didn't want him, I wanted you.

When you left I waited for you to come home. Three months passed until Tank told me the news. You were never coming back. I tried listening to you and Joe took my in with open arms. It just wasn't the same and eventually I left. It could never even compare to the time I spent with you.

After I left Joe, he was there for me. He came over when I didn't want to be alone. He held me as I cried. He loved me and told me he would wait until I was ready for him. I was never going to love anyone as much as you but I needed to try. It's what you would have wanted me to do.

I sometimes feel as if I am using him, like he was only a distraction I needed. I explained to him but he didn't mind. He knew what I was going through, you were like a brother to him. He knew I needed someone and he was there no matter what. He cared, and I cared just the same. I miss you so much and I'm trying to move on. I'm trying for you.

_Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
__Thinking of you, what you would do  
__If you were the one who was spending the night  
__Oh, I wish that I was looking into_

I walked into the kitchen and started making coffee, I was going to need all the caffeine that I could get. I turned around and my eyes locked on the front door. I remember the knock and was surprised when I opened it to find you. You never knocked. You asked to come in and I let you eagerly. Your blank mask was gone and agony was sketched across your face.

You sat on the couch and motioned me to sit beside you. You informed me about the mission you were leaving for in the morning. You were actually frightened about going. You were afraid that you might not come back. You couldn't give me all the details about it but you made it known that it was extremely dangerous. You explained how everything had changed over the years. You had a better value for life. This was your last mission and then, you wanted someday.

You admitted that over the years you slowly grew feelings for me and that you actually wanted a family. That if you did make it you wanted me, forever. But if you didn't, you at least wanted me to know that you loved me wholeheartedly. A love that came with a ring when he got back and a condom until we were ready to take the next step and have kids.

I cried I was so happy. I kept encouraging you, telling you that you would make it. That I loved you unconditionally. I wanted to share my life with you. Always.

You made me promise that I would move on if things went badly and I agreed, but I was so sure you were coming back. It's so hard to move on that I don't know how long it is going to take, or if I could even do it successfully.

_You're the best, and yes I do regret  
__How I could let myself let you go  
__Now, now the lesson's learned  
__I touched it, I was burned  
__Oh, I think you should know_

I remember how we got caught up in each other and slowly proceeded to my bedroom. We only had a few hours yet we were acting as if we had an eternity. As the night went by the faster we became, filling in as much love as we could.

We held each other tightly, not wanting to let go. We didn't know when the next time we would ever have this moment. Now, it felt so wrong to know that that was the last. Why did you have to ever leave on such a mission? I wished that you never went, but then what kind of person would I have been? You went to save the world like Batman. I always knew you were a super hero. I just wish I could tell you how proud I was of you.

I went into the bedroom to continue getting ready. As I opened my closet I realized how limited it was. With all the money that you left me it would be an extremely easy fix. I still couldn't believe it. You gave everything to me. The seventh floor apartment, all the money in your bank account, the bat cave, all your vehicles, and your enormous share of Rangeman. I picked the short, black dress I remember you liked so much and put on as little make up as possible. Just the way you liked it.

When it was time to leave he held me close and directed me to the truck. I remember all the times you led me the same way. Where ever you were, were you thinking of me too? The cool breeze that caressed my cheek like a brush of fingers was enough to know that you were and always would.

_Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
__Thinking of you, what you would do  
__If you were the one who was spending the night  
__Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes, your eyes  
__Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes_

The ceremony was huge. Every employee from all three building came, along with some people from the government, some old army buddies, and your family but no matter where the came from, everyone had heard of me. I kept getting comments like 'Ranger never stopped talking about you,' and 'I'm so sorry for your loss.' As I watched them lay you in the ground and folded up your flag that I would be given later was just too much.

I asked to leave but as we turned, a voice yelled for me. Tank walked over and handed me a small, wrapped gift. He said that Ranger asked him to give it to me if he didn't come back. I took off the paper and found a small, black box. My breath hitched as I opened it, a white gold ring with two diamonds and a sapphire in the middle. When I took it out of the box I noticed the small engravement on the inside, surrounding the entire ring. '_I am always thinking of you, my only love.'_

Tears spilled down my cheeks. I saw you kneeling before me with a big smile on your face. I starred into your eyes and found home, I never wanted to leave. You stood and embraced me, promising that we would see each other again. You wanted me to find love and live happily, knowing you were always there.

Time had seemed to stop and when you drifted away only a moment had gone by. I couldn't handle this anymore, too much had happened in such a short period of time. I broke down and ran to the truck. He followed close behind and drove me quickly home. He carried me inside with my head buried in the crook of his neck.

"Lester..." I moaned softly, not wanting to break body contact as he laid me on the bed. I needed someone right now to hold and to be held in return.

"It's okay hun. Everything's going to be okay." I knew that I was always going to wish you to come take me away, but I'll try to stay. For you. I would live the life you would want me to have and eventually, we would have our someday.

_Oh, won't you walk through  
__And bust in the door and take me away  
__Oh, no more mistakes  
__Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay_

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